Novel

I have been posting continuously during this month, because of the editing of my husband novel:  the computer has taken precedence, thoughts beget thoughts and I feel like writing some of my own. Hopefully, this too shall pass and we can go back to a more natural space posting ( every two weeks!).

Anyway, besides joking, I wanted to share the turmoil I am in. To edit this novel is being a nightmare, I have strong dislike feelings to it that revolve my stomach and give me physical symptoms of sickness, put it in plain language, I hate it. My husband says that is after the style of John Kerouac and Neal Cassady, well style or not, I don't get it. At night I am reading the Confessions of Saint Augustine, and even though he speaks of his mischief and sinful life, there is peace through reading his writings. Alas, this is not true with my husband novel, first of all, the main character is actually in the midst of the struggle between good and evil, and he is not looking in hindsight from the embrace of God his previous sins as saint Augustine does, secondly and also very important, the main character portrays my husband soul struggle, not some saint from long ago, and this makes it also very personal.

Whenever I strongly dislike something, it is usually because it reflects something in my own life that I dislike and do not even attempt to see, so, there is a strong lesson in dwelling with these feelings, and overcoming them. In the novel the main character flows over with pride, sloth, lust and gluttony, well, maybe my own vices are  pride, envy, greed and wrath, but the point is that, because in a husband/wife relationship, we are made one, the situation gets more intense, and my husband sins are my sins, and viceversa. Ultimately, as some people have attained already, this part of the relationship extends to all the people, and the sins of my brother become my sins as well. In this there is a place where God can act through love and heal us.

The other thing to contemplate is that : it is in obeying what we do NOT like, that faithfulness shows, it is easy to show love when given love, even pagans do so.

There are 400 pages of the manuscript, and 100 are edited already, I am counting 100 or so more to finish it and then send to the printers; I think God has given this penance to do during the season, and though I cannot see the light through it yet, I trust that the feelings will be overcomed, joy will fill the task, that the novel will come to life if it is to serve God's glory, and will remain in the shadows of death if it is not.