Somebody asked us to compile some thoughts on child training. My
husband and I laughed at the prospect: How
can We give any kind of counsel in that matter, if we are so in need of advice
ourselves? Yet when we compared with other families we could see we had
indeed walk some part of the path. The next week God showered us with more
resources and books on child training, and we decided to make an attempt to
compile what we are learning.
Lord, give me grace when children’s hands
Are busy with manifold demands
Give me gentle, smiling eyes;
Keep my lips from sharp replies.
Lord, give me patience; quell my sigh
When one again begins to cry
Though I am falling far behind
Give me grace to still be kind
Lord, give a smile and self-command
When still a child can’t understand.
Give a love that’s true and strong;
Drop into my heart a song.
May weary days and children’s noise
Not blind my eyes to fleeting joys.
So tonight at day’s decline,
May lovely memories brightly shine.
1.BORN OF THE SPIRIT
Before a man is born of the Spirit, he goes through the
world asking this question:” What can I get out of this or that
situation?”. After a man is born of the Spirit the question is thus
changed:”What is the will of God, what God wants me to do in this or that
situation.”
2. MARRIAGE
The ideal marriage is where two lives blend according to
God’s order with the husband as the head and the wife at his side in love.
Establishing a Christian home is the foundations of Child Training:
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
Church and gave himself up for her”
Colossians 3:18 “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it is written
in the Lord”
1Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way, show consideration for your
wives in your life together paying honor to the woman as the weaker sex since they too are
also heirs of gracious gift of life-so that nothing may hinder your prayers”
Failures in marriage can be due to:
a-Marriage is not begun in the Lord
Other reasons for marriage apart from God’s will be an obstacle and should be overcome
ASAP. These could be reasons from the flesh, greed or intellectual. ( The more
learned the more the danger of being deceived)
b-Husband does not
take his rightful place of leadership
Just like the example of Jacob and Esau, some men do not
take heed of the command of leadership in their homes and let themselves be
unthroned of the crown that is of birthright.
c-Wife is not
submissive to her husband
If we know God, we know he is sovereign to all, also over
our husband. Any sign of rebelliousness to our husband will be imitated by the
children as rebellion to authority. Some signs of rebelliousness are very
subtle, like criticizing our husband in a self-pitying manner, a wife should
share her troubles with others only with her husband’s blessings in a way that
is honoring to God and husband both, if not she may be “showing her slip” in a metaphorical way.
d- Both or one
partner is selfish
It is in giving that we find JOY:
J: Jesus first
O: Others after
Y: You last
e-Both or one grew up
in unhappy homes
Destructive patterns are set in us, yet in God we are also
rescued from the bondage of the past.
f-Third person
interferes
The best friend for a wife is rightfully her husband, when a
third person comes into place, man or woman, the natural order of things is
changed with many dangers creeping into the relationship. Our friends should
encourage the bond that we have with our spouses and not hinder it.
3.CHILD TRAINING
a- Rhythm
When the home is built in rhythmical patterns, the children
rest in comfort, they know what comes next as a matter of fact. (“ we clean the
dishes after eating, etc…) it is no conducive to rhythm to go out too much, to
be away from a home centered hearth. As parents, being contented in the
sameness passing of days and seasons is a show of strength. A feeble family may
need more entertainment in their lives
at the cost of peaceful home-centered life.
Psalm 23 “ The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me
lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quite waters, He restores my
soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I
walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are
with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in
the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely
goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in
the house of the Lord forever.”
b-Attentiveness
When the parent is present, and the thoughts are clear, this
permeates the environment. It is no good to be day-dreaming, reading your own
book, computer, TV, radio, phone, etc….Attentiveness
to the task at hand is one of the main vehicles of Love. Singing Hymns and
prayer songs helps in bringing your own mind to be renewed. Silence is also on
the pedestal of Love, by being silent we learn to listen to the Spirit instead
of being busybodies letting our tongues ride wild.
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”
1Timothy 5:13 “And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from
house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying
things which they ought not”
c-Obedience
A child needs to be taught to surrender his own will for the
sake of the whole. This is taught by example ( how we ourselves are willing to surrender) and by reproof. Sometimes
the discipline action can start as soon as 6 to 10 months, and it may involve
different things. The spanking is used for
small children, a paddle with the hand can be useful; for older a small stick, and for even older the
spanking is turned into an emotional one, by making the child aware of his fault
and making him feel ashamed of it. Sometimes we read or make up a story that
hits home, or perhaps we make them put their selves into the other to see the
fault. As the child turns to be a grown up, the discipline usually takes the
shape of the Spirit.
The discipline should be done without anger and in a state
of sorrow but in willfull obedience to God’s directives:
Prov 12:1 “ Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge. But he who hates
correction is stupid”
Prov 22:15 “Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child; but the rod
of correction shall drive it far from him”
Prov 13:24 He that spares his rod hates his son; but he that loves him
is diligent to discipline him”
Prov 23:13, 14 “Withhold not correction form the child, for if you beat
him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall
deliver his soul from hell”
Prov 19:25 “ The rod and reproof give wisdom: But a child left to himself
brings his mother to shame”
Prov 19:18 “Chasten your son while there is hope, and set not your
heart on his destruction”
Prov 29:17 “Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes he shall
give delight unto your soul”
Hebrews 12:6,7 “For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every
son whom he receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons”
Col 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they be discouraged”
e-Work
Unless we design our work to be child-included, the training
will be unsuccessful at the end. Children thrive when they feel they are needed
for the surviving of the family, just like we thrive when we know God needs us
to fulfill tasks he has layered upon us. “Idle
hands are the devil’s tools”
When we joyfully work overcoming our comfort and fleshly
nature, we learn and teach to live for God instead of for ourselves. Singing as
we work, sometimes for hours at a time is very appropriate for our minds, as
well as sharing with others the load of work by keeping company and godly conversation.
Children that grow up in setting as this, learn early on, in a very practical
manner, that the best way of life is to live for others.
Galatians 5:16-18 “ So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not
gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is
contrary to the Spirit, and the spirit what is contrary to the sinful
nature.They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you
want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law”
Resources:
Bible
The Fruits of Her hands (Wilson)
Child Training (Stoll)
